Tuesday night, well according to the National Institute of Standards and Technology I’m really talking about Wednesday morning, at 12:01am the next episode in the “Twilight” series, Eclipse, premiered at a half dozen local theaters. Amazingly the half dozen theaters were not only showing the movie at 12:01 but at 12:02, 12:03, 12:04 and 12:05 and even more amazingly ALL five shows at all local theaters were SOLD OUT. Who knew? Even in a market the size of Madison a half dozen theaters could sell out five midnight showings of team Edward versus team Jacob. I, for one, don’t get it. If I didn’t have a fourteen-year-old daughter I would be completely out of it, but this is the point. I’m working very hard at not being out of it. I figured out if you want to continue to be relevant in a younger world you have to hang with the homies. This continues to be part of my education and awareness of the current culture. There are times where I continue to feel a little like Phil on Modern Family – WTF (Why the face?). So here’s my suggestion to all you over the hillers out there: adopt a child if you want to stay connected to what’s happening on the cultural scene several generations removed from your own. If you’re in the fifty and above segment you should skip the baby stage and go directly for a teenager. You don’t have the time to mess around with a newborn and wait out those years of baby talk where the only insight into their vision of the world is a poopy diaper. You need to get the ball rolling and fast. Miley Cyrus has already gone from cute to sex kitten in the snap of a finger. You'll need the dreamy eyed vision of a Twilight groupie to keep you up to speed on what’s hot and what’s not, someone to explain why a bug-eyed kitten called Hello Kitty makes millions in merchandising dollars or why a sixteen year old baby-faced Canadian kid kicks ass crooning love songs just prior to his balls dropping and his voice changing from a hen’s to a rooster’s.
Having a child is the gift of a small vile from the fountain of youth. You once again get to vicariously feel the joy of new discoveries, first loves and the reasons why Hello Kitty is so cool and Justin Bieber can make a young heart melt, and after the midnight showing of Eclipse why just maybe you might want to switch from team Edward to team Jacob.