Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Someone needs to print out a set of rules and regulations for bloggers warning them against their own stupidity. I don’t know what I was thinking? I thought I was clever and only a little bit naughty when I wrote “PANTIES” in the header window on my last post, but I had no clear understanding of what I was getting myself into. I was trying to have some fun on an otherwise mundane day. So I wrote “PANTIES”. So what? Well “what” became a lesson learned in blogging repercussions. The words you use do have power and that power can have results that are sometimes good and sometimes no what you intended. Words like “PANTIES” have enormous power. They can increase readership and visibility but not necessarily in the way you wanted them to. I always said I readership wasn't my goal with this blog but with my last post readership rose beyond the usual group of friends and family. There were a whole set of surfers out there typing in the word “PANTIES” on their search engines trolling for access into the world of undergarments. It got me thinking about what other words I should avoid or perhaps take advantage of if I should become interested in casting a larger net. My head began to spin with other parts of the English language I might want to steer clear of if I start to become concerned about who is reading and following my blog. The first things to come to mind were the obvious body parts and anything having to do with sex. It’s a no brainer, if you use these words in your header you’re going to attract a whole group of people bathed in the blue light of their computers secretly surfing the web during the wee hours of the night. But there’s a whole load of innocent words when left on their own that can grab a similar set of trolling misfits with a little more creative approach to their surfing searches.
George Carlin had his seven words “that would infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war.” He might have included screw up your blog but it was 1972 and computers weren’t as popular then as they are now.
Here are some other words I’ve come up with as words you might want to avoid:
1. First of all, as I unintentionally discovered with my last innocent posting, steer clear of anything to do with underwear, even granny pants can get you into trouble.
2. Auf with the words” naughty and nice”. Too many connections to whips and handcuffs.
3. Pearls. This one would have had me stumped if I hadn’t heard it explained by Jeff on Bravo’s “Flipping Out”. I’m way too gentile to explain it here. If you don’t know you’ll have to figure it out on your own, but please don’t ever couple it with necklace in describing a paint color or a piece of jewelry.
4. Extra large or anything else to do with size. These words when isolated can draw a whole host of trouble to your blog.
5. Never use the words yellow and shower together unless you can somehow add curtain onto the end of shower.
6. Wood is a little more obtuse but best avoided especially when coupled with the word, hard.
7. Bangs are okay but a good one to avoid when referencing hairstyles on girls under the ages of eighteen.
8. Benders are not going to get much attention here in the U.S. of A. but British gay boys will have a field day with this one
I’m sure I could go on and on about this one but for anyone out there who expected a more salacious posting I apologize for being only PG rated. 

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